i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize