My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
