Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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