Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
