When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
