my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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