I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
