It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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