when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
