At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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