I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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