apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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