If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
