i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
