WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
