Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
