My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.