I'm so fucking centered right now
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
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My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!