Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.