He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.