Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
