smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
