I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
