yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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