...so i touched it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
