somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
