Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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