Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
