He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
