I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize