I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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