My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
