Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
