garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just gift wrapped bread.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
