I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
