Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
