My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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