man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
