ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
