please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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