i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We talked him into tasing himself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
