I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
