Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
