By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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