When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
