I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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