I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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