So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.