Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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