I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
