I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
