he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize