Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
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As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize