it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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