I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Randomize
