Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
