i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
