Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
