The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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