No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
