My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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