the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
