If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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