Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
