Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
