she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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