Will you blow on my dice?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
