I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
