we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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