You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
