i think i have herpe
just one?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
