Welp...herpes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
this hospital has no fireball
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
