You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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