Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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